The Mud Run

Or, "Holy Shit, My Butt is Bleeding."

This thing was crazy.  Crazy, crazy.

I don't remember what a lot of the things were.  Okay, maybe I remember more than I think I do.  Let's see.

Not the sexy, svelte ladies up front.  Oh, no.  Tie-dye in the back.

  • Yamacraw Bluff - We climbed up a reasonable incline (up an incline?  no kidding!) and then slid down some mud.  This first obstacle was when I scratched up my butt.  
  • The Lake - I'm not sure why it isn't listed, but before this, there were some up and down log things.  Climb over one and under another.  I almost broke my vajay on this one.  The actual lake wasn't a big deal.  We swam (or pulled on a rope) across a little lake.  I might have kicked D in the face.
  • Sgt. Jasper's Trench - And where things get foggy.  There was this big slippery mountain thing that we had to climb.  It sucked.  And then slide down another mud slide thing into some mud.  Lots of bottle-necking here and huge potential to kill people.
  • Pulaski's Plunge - Don't remember.  I'm thinking there was some mud.
  • Soggy Boggy Road - There was a road.  It was wet. We ran, we didn't bear crawl.
  • Pyramid Grove - They say that this is the hay bales.  They were just round bales.  What equestrian hasn't climbed a round bale?  Anyways, before this, there were these solid walls.  Two rows of two.  D had to give me a leg up to get over them.  Again, another thing that hurt my lady bits.
  • Whoop Dee Doo Hill - Reasonable hill to climb, only to climb down and find out there were two more.  Following this, there were these drainage pipe things.  You could either slide down one into muddy water or crawl through one onto dry land.  D slid, I crawled.
  • Tire Field - Misnomer.  Tire Hills.  Run through some flat tires and then land in a mud bog.  Climb another little hill, topped with tires, and land in a mud bog.  Repeat 5x.
  • Water Gauntlet - No fucking clue.  I do know that at about this point, there was another hill to slide down, but it was tiny.  Maybe that was it.  Or was this the muddy, impossible hill to climb?  HUGE bottle neck.  Either way, at about this point we were in the wood and I hit my runner's high.  Poor D.  I deserted him.
  • Slip N Sludge - disgusting, gritty water and mud thing that we had to bear crawl through.  I got water up my nose.  It burned.  I was pissed.  
Our total time was 1:08.  Not bad!  We were 84th out of 202 couples and finished in 341st place.
Post-race, post-clean up.  Yeah, we changed clothes at my car.
This is the chick I was supposed to run with.
I joke that I'm fat and look like
I just ate a very enjoyable chocolate baby.
While stripping at my car.  I'm not in pain - the sun is bright!
After all this madness, we had a couple beers (only on race day is it socially acceptable to drink at ten in the morning).  When enough time passed, we headed over to a Mexican restaurant with my running buddy.  Mm.  Nachos.  And.. surprise, surprise, it was time for cupcakes!

We went home, got clean, ate our cupcakes and watched Taken.  Again.  Awesome movie.  (Although, yeah, fails the Bechdel Test.)  And, to round out the evening:  a two hour nap, skipped Asylum and Indian for dinner.  Yum.  Over, a very awesome day.  I'm still sore and still covered in cuts.

You Might Also Like


  1. 1)It's always acceptable to drink at 10am especially if its a breakfast drink, like a Bloody Mary or Mimosa.

    2) Sounds like you had a bunch of fun!

    1. 1) I actually have never had a Mimosa, but I'm all for Bloody Mary's. And I sorta feel healthy when drinking them, because it's just vegetable juice.... and alcohol. And, I guess, anything with orange juice could be acceptable. I never had a morning beer until I started racing.
      2) It was a blast! We're planning on a Zombie Run in Orlando in November next.