In Memoriam

On Sunday, July 7th, my husband and I lost Aphrodite.

It's something that I've struggled with, tearing up at random when I think of her or I just fucking miss her.  And the guilt.  I knew the guilt would be horrible.  It has been.  I still don't look at my dogs the same.  They're my furry bitches, but they are also horrible monsters that I brought into my house and consistently cuddle with.

You can read about the story of Aphrodite here.  I don't want a dreary tone for this post, dammit.

In the process of preparing her body, in grieving  I'm not going to give you oodles of details

Before we buried Little Girl, I took some stamps of her paw print.  Not the first time that I've done something like this, but it was the first time that it was one of my own.  And it made that shit hard.

Tuesday night, I finally got that little paw print tattooed on me.  Sunday, October 13th, marked one year that Aphrodite and Achilles had been in our lives.  The day after my 29th birthday we found them.  Here's that story.



It's imperfect and it's smudged and it's perfect.  B, my tattooer who I adore, and I both sat down for a moment and looked at the stamp.  "Are those claw marks?", he asked.  I replied, "Yes.  Because she was a fighter til the end."  B and I talk animals every time I'm in his chair.

The paw print was actually number two of three tattoos.  But it was the most important.  And, weirdly, I didn't feel it.  It never hurt.  The vibrations through my foot tickled.

The first tattoo I got on Tuesday was of my fox.  I took B about four photos of foxes tattooed or water colored and pointed out what I liked about each one.  And then he combined them to give me a custom fox.


Immediately afterwards.  See the raised flesh?  
I was hobbling to the bathroom between tattoos two and three when I encountered another artist.  "Hey, foxy lady, what's the fox for?"  I told him that fox hunting essentially got me started in horses, but that I had also just turned thirty and wanted to still feel hot.  He said I succeeded.  :)

I don't have any photos of the third tattoo, but it's a filler phrase so I no longer have a gap on my half sleeve.  Woo!

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15 comments

  1. Memorial tattoo is perfect in its imperfection just like you say and I LOVE that fox. I'm working on the design for my first, which will be a combined memorial for my mom and two dogs.

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    1. Thank you! I wondered if people would think that it was too messy, but realized that I didn't care. I'll remember that moment for ever.

      And I am very, very sorry for your loss. When I read of your kids, I thought of mine. I think they'll go at about the same time and I can only hope that it isn't any time soon.

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  2. Oh man, I looooooooooooove the fox tattoo! The memorial tattoo is great as well, but I can't believe it didn't hurt. My foot tattoo killed!

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    1. Yeah, I was told that the foot was going to be really painful and I was actually gearing myself up for it. Maybe a combination of endorphins and toe-stomping-by-horsies?

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  3. Both tattoos are awesome! And have great meaning!

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  4. LOVE both tattoos. I've considered eventually getting my kitties' pawprints tattooed on me somewhere. Your tattoo artist did an amazing job with Aphrodite's paw print - it really looks like she smudged the print on your foot herself. What a beautiful tribute to her. And that fox tattoo is absolutely stunning!!!

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    1. Thank you! It's a hard decision to make, because I know that I will never not have pets, but can I get them all tattooed on me? (Yes. Absolutely, yes.) I'm glad I was able to get the print and I think it's perfect.

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  5. You must have a huge pain tolerance... Cool tattoos.

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    1. I think I was in the zone? I mean, the fox took about 45 minutes, so I had my body all perked and sending pain relief and stuff. But I also talked to D about this. In all seriousness, I had my foot stomped on by a fat mare growing up. It was purple for a few months. I have to wonder if there is nerve damage and I just never noticed. I mean, the toes work!

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  6. LOVE the fox and think the memorial tattoo is perfect :-)

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  7. Both tattoos are gorgeous. I teared up re-reading about Aphrodite...

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  8. Love them both, especially that they both have sentimental value/mean something to you. I want another one but am taking my time over it as I want it to mean something this time. I love my first one, but I just got it cos I wanted it - no meaning behind it which saddens me now...

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