Bootgate.

Or, "When the Hell Did My Calves Get So Big?"

This just seemed appropriate.
For my birthday, in preparation for the horse-show-that-wasn't, the husband was directed to order a pair of synthetic field boots off SmartPak.  Boots arrive and I cannot zip the poor bastards.  They get to be the losers in this situation, because my legs are fabulous.

The website says that a "wide" version exists, but that it's going to take six weeks to get them.  Next potential horse show is in four weeks.  I decide not to order them.

This past weekend, I drag the husband to Charleston to stock up on Trader Joe's goodness and to check the tack stores.  The first store had plenty of boots, but they were either out of my price range or dress boots or lacked a zipper.  I mean, shit.  I'm so picky.

I walked in to the second store and tell the chick I'm looking for boots.  After asking what size, she immediately tells me that they don't have any.  Not even the boots I left on consignment?  That I haven't gotten a check for?  Oh, golly, they just sold.  Sure.  Sure they did.

I consoled myself by buying five pairs of used breeches.  Bitches.
Finally, D and I start looking online for the brand that I'd had that Savannah ate.  Unfortunately I don't know anything about what size my originals were and, according to the website's specification, I still need a wide calf.  We find one website that claims to have them in stock and says they'll ship them the next day.  He splurges for faster shipping, because the show is now in two weeks and I'd like a minute or two of actually riding in them.

And then he gets an email from the company saying that due to demand, the boots are on back order.  Are you fucking kidding me?

Which leaves me with limited options:  if the Eventer isn't going to the show anymore, this is all moot, but if she is then I can school the show and just wear my gnarly half chaps.  Or I can attempt to compete in the fugly half chaps and chalk it up as a schooling show, upon which I will improve next time.

Welcome to Bootgate 2013.
Archie got new boots, though.  $15 Dovers.

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17 comments

  1. I have searched wide and far for tall boots and know pretty much every brand and size at this point. If you email me your price range and sizes I may be able to help :)

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    1. I think we're just going to wait on these wide Saxons to come in! I will want a fancy-ass dead-cow version at some point, so I'll email you when I get closer to that! :) Thank you!

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  2. My mare has the same boots! They are great (mine are a bit dirty though).
    I recently tried on boots and the lady actually told me I have freakish huge calves....thanks? Anyway, boots are a pain the butt for me too! Best of luck.

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    1. Thanks! I was told once that running made calves small and riding made calves big. I don't think weight lifting has helped the issue!

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  3. That's what you get for having such strong ass calves! You should have drop kicked the lady with them that told you they didn't have any in your size.

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    1. Bitch, please! :) Yeah, I'm gonna give the massive calves thanks because they helped with the two point challenge. And the muscle cut looks hot in heels. :)

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  4. Calve-licious legs are where it's at. And freakish is when one is even bigger than the other...

    I know this doesn't help with the upcoming show situation, but I have a guy that can custom stretch boots - perfect fit, cheap and speedy return. Let me know if you're interested.

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    1. Ohhhh. I tend to go towards synthetics, but I do want a real leather pair at some point. I'll keep this information in mind. Hopefully they aren't as wide as I think they are. Shame on the different sizes! HILARIOUS, though. :)

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  5. Did they at least produce a check for your boots your left on consignment?

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  6. Oh tall boots!

    I shutter just thinking about breaking a new pair in ha!

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    1. I've never had to really break in a leather pair before. I had my last pair of synthetic tall boots since I competed in IHSA.

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  7. I don't know if you tried them on, but when I worked at the tack shop, Mountain Horse boots *used* to have wider than average calves on their boots. Almost everyone that had wide calves that came to our store ended up in Mountain Horse boots. Some people thought they looked clunky but in all honesty, I liked the look. Plus the boots were durable, easy to break in, and comfortable to walk in. They've streamlined them a lot since then (this was 6 years ago) so not sure on the current calf fit of the newer Mountain Horse boots. Another perk is that even with the new fancier models, they're a lower-end boot running around the mid-$200 range. Of course, I'd first try them on at a tack shop if you can...and then go hunt a pair down on eBay.

    And I wondered the same thing as LW: did they at least give you a check for your consignment boots?

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    1. Ironically, the pair I put on consignment were Mountain Horse! My ex-fiance bought them as a birthday gift ($250 - my most expensive boots EVER!) when I was turning 21. My trainer almost immediately vetoed them, though, because of the chunky ankle. I dumped the dude, bought some cheap but more flattering synthetics, and the Mountain Horse set in my closet until I finally consigned them a few months ago. They were super well-made, but enough of me is chunky to begin with. :)

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    2. Lol Totally understand. I hope the Saxons work out perfectly for you!

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  8. I second trying mountain horse. I have a very hard to fit leg - short, moderate ankles, huge calves, skinny knees. The Mountain Horse Venice field boots have an elastic panel that runs down the back so they were able to fit my leg appropriately in all places (they also have a zipper). It's one of their less expensive boots too. I've had them for about a year and a half now with almost daily wear and they are holding up great!.

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    1. The Saxons that I'm waiting on have that same elastic panel down the back. It makes me wonder if I could get away with a regular calf. The boots I consigned were actually zippered Mountain Horse, but they didn't flatter my leg at all and my old trainer wouldn't let me show in them. :(

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