The Piss Monster.

I got a text from my BM last week about a Saturday trail ride.  I love group trail rides.  ...When I take my Xanax, pony is agreeable, riders are polite, and they don't last four hours.

I woke up in time on Saturday and hitched a ride with C.  There were five of us:  BM on her dead-broke paint, a new retired A-circuit H/J rider trialing BM's brand-new Palomino baby, C, me, and a boarder I hadn't met before on her Perch.

Before the start, walking around.
Long story short:  Archie was a gigantic asshole, the babies were better behaved, and I don't think people learned the same rules for trail-riding that I did.  Maybe that's a result of having learned to trail ride by a fox hunter?  Oh, and I forgot my Xanax and almost bit C's head off.  Roar.

Not picture:  C immediately to our left.
So, we started out in the back.  Archie's ridden in the back tons of times.  He's normally okay with a buddy.  Kinda.  C's mare was supposed to be his buddy, but instead he started that crap about trying to spin backwards.  I can sit your spins, asshole.  So, I moved him up to second.  He walked by the paint and the palomino baby just fine and started after the Percheron mare.  For a very long time, we were great on a loose rein.  And then the psycho switch flipped and dude started that sideways jig.  I had to ask the rider on the Percheron to hold hard about a dozen times so the rest of us could catch up, which I don't think helped his brain.

For the rest of the ride, mostly, it was a variance of the jig, crow hopping, and a perfectly well-behaved pony.  At one point, I asked him to move up between the paint and the palomino.  He had ample room and had no problem passing them before.  But something offended his senses this time and he started that crow-hopping shit.  I was seriously afraid that he had engaged his weak hind end and given some half-hearted kicks at the paint, but they said he didn't.

So, yay.  I got to be the asshole growling at my horse for half the ride while I yelled at another rider to slow the fuck down.

I love group trail rides.


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  1. anxiety can really be awful at times :(

  2. oh god that 4 hour ride from hell... though not perfect at least it wasn't that bad

  3. My tb cannot handle being left behind - even if he just imagines that it's happening - which is always. I feel for you, and am intrigued by the zanax idea... ;D

  4. Not fun. This is why I don't trail ride

  5. I'd never had a bad trail ride, so couldn't understand the common theme I see in blogger, which is hating on trail rides. Then I had my first bad trail ride yesterday and now I'm hatin'

    1. See, that's the thing. I love trail riding. But maybe only with one or two buddies from now on? Or maybe just solo.

  6. Bobby and Archie need to trail ride together. Bobby is like the perfect babysitter for naughty horses, and he takes no offense to being bashed into by other horses.

  7. sounds super frustrating. my mare used to do the jig - tranter - head throw thing all the time and it made me want to scream. these days she's a pro and can babysit whatever horse needs it... but i never forget lol

  8. I've ridden that horse, so I deeply appreciate horses that are fine with anything.

  9. I can relate. Maybe just go out with people that will let Archie be in the front f he's happier out there? Or smaller groups :) a bad long trail ride is the worst.

  10. Well, the good news is that no one died? Yeesh. No fun!