I was pregnant.
And now I'm not.
Now I'm a statistic, a grieving statistic.
I can't tell you how excited I was to share my future little equestrian with you, my experiences as a pregnant rider, and this whole adventure of bringing a human into existence. But now I'm not. I also can't articulate the immediate and all-consuming love. I didn't expect to love the child until he or she was in my arms, but I loved my baby from the first stirrings.
On April 4th, Archie's birthday, the hubs and I went for my first ultrasound. 8 weeks and 5 days and super excited to see my little gummy bear and hear the hopeful 180 beats per second.
Only, there were zero beats per second, per minute, per hour. There was nothing. My little gummy bear was a tiny gummy bear, nothing compared to the google images of an eight-week-old fetus.
|That bottom portion should show the spikes of a heart.|