The Shittens and Best Bitches


Breed: Squirrel Mutt.
Birth year:  Spring, 2003

They say that your dog is a reflection of you.  Poor Scarlette and poor me, because she only inherited the fucked-up parts.  I adopted Scarface with a boyfriend back in 2003 and she's been with me since - several apartments, several jobs, several SOs.  She's supposed to be chow/retriever, but she's a whopping 35 pounds of wall-licking sass.  I fully expect spite to keep her enlarged heart pumping for at least another thirteen years.



Breed:  Half pibble, quarter rott, quarter lab
Birth year:  Spring, 2006 

I didn't want Savannah.  A friend's boyfriend's dog got knocked up by an AKC registered pit bull.  I said that if there was a runt and it was a female, I'd take her and name her Savannah. Well. Here we are.  Savannah is the dog that will love you when you hate yourself.  She'll carry your heart when you can't.  May the gods help me the day I no longer have her by my side.



Breed:  German Shepard 
Birth year:  Dunno.  2011 - 2013?

My husband and I started casually talking about a third dog.  My old ladies are good, low-maintenance dogs.  They don't need much.  D always wanted a GSD and I'm particular about rescues, so we knew that this dog would be hard to find.  I started looking over the summer of 2016 and saw one local ad for a female GSD, but they had her labeled as an "older lady" and D wasn't too impressed with her photos.  So we kept looking, kept applying, kept nagging everyone within a hundred miles who had a young, cat and dog friendly GSD.  It was a blast...  In October, after having gotten shot down about yet another cat-mauler, I noticed the old-lady GSD ad again.  I sent to to D and pretty much said, "She's been available for a while, I'm fucking applying for her."  That was early October.  After a hurricane and a home visit, Birgette came to live with us.  We didn't know what we were missing until she entered our lives.




Breed: DSH
Birth year: Springish, 2009

Lizzie came into the emergency clinic at which I worked as a stray, hit-by-car for euthanasia.  We were slammed that night and when the vet finally got to her and unwrapped her from her towel, she popped up purring.  And crippled.  She had extensive damage to her face and a broken leg.  Later that night, she bit a technician and was put on rabies hold.  I knew that she would have been euthanized immediately at animal control, given her condition, so I adopted her.  Crying the entire time.  She shows me her gratitude every single day.  As I write this, she purrs against my leg.




Breed:  DLH Calico
Birth year: Spring, 2010

We adopted Lili from our previous landlord once he found out I worked in vet med.  For the first month, she hissed and spat while simultaneously purring as we pet her.  She loves me best, wishes she were an only cat, eats paper and hides when strangers come.  She's a particular cat but incredibly affectionate, albeit slightly psychotic.



Breed: Siamese
Birth year: 2013

The day after my 29th birthday, we went to the pet store.  We heard the story of four kittens, dropped in a box outside, who would be going to the Humane Society at which I volunteered.  We made our interest known to the HS and ended up fostering the entire litter for four weeks.  We adopted two of the kittens.  Achilles is my husband's cat, without a doubt.


She was Achilles' sister and we lost her shortly after moving into our house.  We left our dogs unsupervised.  Rest in peace, baby girl.


*"Shittens" credit goes to Liz and Atticus the Shitten.